Turtles, Hell and Rum Cake: Grand Cayman

*All travel expenses for this trip were paid by Princess Cruises, but all opinions are my own

Sea turtles at the Cayman Turtle Farm

During my recent (and first) big-ship cruise aboard the Crown Princess, my pal Samantha and I took every opportunity to disembark and go on a shore excursion to see how Princess arranges for its passengers to experience the ship’s ports of call.

Our first shore excursion was to Grand Cayman, largest of the three Cayman Islands.

*For all our shore excursions, we were given small white tickets with the tour’s name, code number and port, as well as what to bring and where/when to meet the tour.

The Crown Princess website’s description:

Excursion:  Grand Cayman Highlights & Turtle Farm
Price:             $49 per adult
Length:          2 ½ hours

Stop in Hell for a photo, visit the marvelous sea turtles of the world-famous Turtle Farm at Boatswain Bay Beach, and savor a taste of rum cake on this deluxe island tour.

My experience:

A small orange passenger ferry took Samantha and I (and anyone going ashore at that moment) the six minutes’ journey from ship to the small ersatz Caribbean-style port at George Town, where we had to gently elbow our way through a crowd to find the sign-holder with our tour’s number. Once assembled, our group of 20 people was led through an outdoor mall and onto an air-conditioned mini-bus.

Clockwise from top L: Disembarking; Samantha and the great big boat; line for the mini-bus; port at George Town

Our driver launched right into a mirth-free yet lilting narration of Grand Cayman, the largest of the three Cayman Islands. She informed us that “Everybody knows everybody else on this island…you don’t do no hide ‘n’ seek.” Grand Cayman is world-famous for its penalty-free banks, and is still a British colony. 2004′s Hurricane Ivan was the worst storm in the Caymans’ history, but despite widespread destruction, recent years have seen a commercial real estate boom. The island grows/raises everything it needs to support its own citizens, but just about everything needed for local tourism is imported (at great cost) from the United States.

Our first stop was the Cayman Turtle Farm at Boatswain’s Beach. Dazzling at first for its big outdoor tanks full of different types of sea turtles (and for our charismatic guide, Drop Dead Gorgeous Tony), we soon learned that this is an awkward mix of conservation/research center…and meat farm. After being shown how to lovingly handle adorable juvenile turtles (and worrying about the little kids all around us being allowed to handle them, too) we were disappointed to learn that wouldn’t be allowed to see any eggs or hatchlings, shuffled our way through the massive gift shop, and that was it.

Drop Dead Gorgeous Tony (above) showed us (below left) how to hold turtles the right way...close in to the chest

We didn’t see much of the island’s Seven Mile Beach, as a lot of it is the front yard of wealthy homeowners and high-rise hotels, and therefore hidden from the road. However, we took some time to check out the gray coral shore beside the turtle farm’s parking lot, watching fishermen load up blue plastic buckets from their small nets, and little white crabs scurry to and fro. The turquoise water was so clear in places that we could see tiny fish swimming their way through narrow channels and out to sea.

Then it was on to Hell. This swamp clogged with craggy rock spires sits beside a lush forest and was so named by seafaring adventurers who couldn’t possibly navigate their way out. I get what they mean. The heavily-touristed spot is now home to one wood-decked lookout spot, two tragically tacky gift shops (think Satan shot glasses and t-shirts about marriage), a guy selling coconut water from a bike cart, and a post office where you can send postcards from…Hell.

The last stop was the original Tortuga Rum Company store, which sells Grand Cayman’s most popular exports, delicious little rum cakes and flavored rums. The controlled mob scene allows small tastings of both, and who doesn’t love a little snack at midday? We skipped the rum in favor of cake, and decided that either original or pineapple could make the angels cry.

The water in Grand Cayman's port at George Town

My take:

This was my first experience with an organized tour for more than ten people, and the lack of flexibility was a little frustrating; at each stop, Samantha and I, as well as a few others, were ready to go well before the appointed departure time. At the end of the tour, I’d learned a little about Grand Cayman, but mostly that it 1) seems pretty boring and 2) feels pretty exhausted by big cruise groups.

The greatest allure of Grand Cayman – besides its tax-free money storage — would seem to be its water and beaches, and our day on the island, by design, had precious little to do with either. (Samantha isn’t a big fan of  being underwater or sitting out in the sun for extended periods of time.)

Were I to ever return to Grand Cayman with Adam, I would suggest we take a taxi (rather than mess with driving on the British side of the road) to the Seven Mile Beach and/or go snorkeling or helmet diving with stingrays, then seek out some fresh seafood…and a rum cake.

See also
All Aboard the Crown Princess, Pt. 1
All Aboard the Crown Princess, Pt. 2
The Highs and Lows of Roatan
Doin’ Time at the Ruins of Tulum